"The Heart of Life is Good"

Sometimes I get so downtrodden becuase it seems like there is so much misery in the world it is hard to get out of bed. Today is a day when I was reminded that there is joy all around me and prayers are answered. For the first time in quite awhile my heart was filled with nothing more than gratitude.

 During my first year teaching a pre-K autism program I had a student named “Sammy”.  Sammy had a diagnosis of autism and was non-verbal but very bright. From day one, Sammy and I had a special bond. We both loved to dance and would start our school day hand in hand dancing with the rest of the class to the song “Wooly Bully”. I wore converse shoes to school nearly every day (because I could run fast to catch students in them).  Sammy went to the store with his mother and picked out his own that were exactly the same to match mine and he wore them everyday. Each story I read or lesson I taught Sammy loved. He sat on baited breath to soak up any knowledge that was being presented.

Unfortunately, Sammy’s time in my class was not always fun or easy. He was frustrated and angry that he couldn’t verbally communicate. This often was exhibited through self-mutilation such as head banging, hitting, or scratching skin until it bled. I spent many hours that first year restraining Sammy and trying to prevent him from hurting himself. After an episode, I would often be bruised and bleeding and Sammy would look at me with tears welling up in his eyes. He was full with such a deep remorse that it broke my heart.  He was a 4-year-old boy that carried such a terribly heavy burden. On more occasions then I would like to remember, I would sit at my desk after the kids left and cry wishing that he could just speak.

Sammy’s mother and I would talk daily trying to figure out how best to help him. I met with many specialists and we tried different adaptive tech devices, picture communication systems and sign language all which he learned easily but they didn’t assist him in communicating with the larger population in the way he wanted. Sammy was trapped. I taught Sammy in my class for two years and he made extensive progress in that time but he never produced any verbalizations.

I hadn’t seen Sammy in more than 6 months when I received the news that he had broken his leg during a sledding accident. I decided I needed to go to his house to wish him well. When his Mom answered the door and I walked in I heard a voice, “Hi Miss Heiser! How are you?”  I walked into the bedroom and I was flabbergasted.  Sammy was speaking in beautiful sentences. His language wasn’t completely clear, but it was understandable. He was calm and seemed completely joyful in spite of his condition. His Mom told me something finally just clicked and Sammy started verbally communicating. It began with just a few words and snowballed into beautiful complete sentences.  His Mom even described him as "easy going" and "happy-go-lucky". Never words I would have used to describe him in years past.

After an hour or so talking with Sammy and his family, I said my good-byes and left. When leaving his room, I looked on his desk and saw that he had a little framed picture of the two of us at an autism walk. As I drove home I wept. I was filled with such a sense of gratitude for this blessing. I am reminded that life can be such a heartbreaking struggle but underneath it all “the heart of life is good”.