I don't want your "pity muffin"

Date: August 20^th 2009

Gram’s Status: Okay

Mood: Pain Level: Sore mouth from her medicine

Appetite: Ate breakfast and lunch and pot roast and potatoes for dinner

Mobility: She walked 165 feet today and is practicing 3 small steps for when she gets home.

Yesterday evening the Head Nurse told me my Grandmother would be released from the Skilled Care Unit of the hospital on the upcoming Monday…giving us 2 business days to get an entire house prepared. We have NOTHING ready for her homecoming. We did not expect her home for a month! There are a plethora of things that need to be completed before a seriously ill person can enter her home. We need a good cleaning of the house to help prevent any infection, a adaptive chair for her to sit in, a medical bed that can rise and lower, a higher toilet seat a shower chair and ...a safe way for her to get into the house!

So I entered the hospital today fiercely determined to figure this thing out. I spoke with countless nurses, doctors, occupational therapist, physical therapists, nutritionists and no one seemed to give me a strait answer on where to start. I met with hospice and arranged their service and set a team meeting date for Friday. I felt like I was doing okay, despite my shortness of breath and shaking that started in my stomach and seemed to spread quickly to all of my extremities. After 4 hours at the hospital, I went home to prepare dinner (a pot roast I had cooked and planed to bring to Gram), on the way home while listening for a phone call from the doctor, I looked at my ringing phone and hit a curb going 40 miles an hour. Needless to say, I popped my tire and scraped the heck out of my rim (on my pretty new Beetle convertible none-the-less). I pulled my poor little car into a metal factory to assess the damage. After I saw what a mess I had made, I saw a man walking towards my car. As he approached I felt that awful old lump in my throat and I panicked…when the man asked if he could help me I began to sob and point to my tire. At some point I babbled something about hospitals, crock-pots, death, cats and a pot roast. He slowly backed away nodding and gave me his sympathies. I was beyond mortified.

Luckily, a repair shop was directly down the street. A repairman had the tire fixed in 90 minutes, sadly my rim is still beat up terribly. I sat and waited in the waiting room of the repair shop sniffling and looking pretty pathetic. I eventually made it home and brought Gram her pot roast.

This story would not be half as bad if this was the first time I exhibited such bizarre behavior. Two weeks ago, I went to Starbucks (one of the TWO in Peoria) at 7am on my way to the hospital. I waited behind a car and became impatient about how long the Barista was talking with the car in front of me. Soon I approached the window anxiously anticipating my delicious drink. I pulled out my wallet to pay when I realized…. I never ordered a drink!

When I attempted to tell the Barista what had happened only a loud sob escaped my mouth. Once again, I started my rambling about hospitals, vanilla lattés and Toyota Camry’s. None of which made any sense. The nice Barista man nodded and brought me my latte and offered me a free muffin “on him”. I appreciated the offer but did not take his “pity muffin”. I wasn’t hungry.

This whole experience has taught me a valuable lesson about the kindness of complete strangers. Even if you “sound” crazy and look like a complete mess people are willing to listen and help the best they can. I am so thankful for the help and understanding of these people and I hope that I don’t have to experience this kind of compassion ever again.