So what! I like small spaces!

August 25, 2009

Gram’s Status:

Mood: Upbeat and prepared to go home.

Pain Level: No complaints

Appetite: Good-She ate a doughnut for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and ice cream for dinner.

 Mobility: She walked 165 feet twice today and did all of her exercises.

            I am corky. Some of my corks are more bizarre than others. I sometimes snort when I laugh, I cry to strangers, I love beets, I bought my bike because it has a bell, etc. One such cork is that I like being in very small spaces. At parties in college (after eventful evenings of drinking I might add) I would surprise fellow guests by curling up quietly in cabinets or closets and would hide there until a guest (typically prompted by one of my friends) would open up my “hidey hole” and I would scream, “BOO”. As a young child, I would curl up in the closet with my blanket when I was upset. Inside I would pack in stuffed animals a headset and radio, books and snacks. I would sit quietly tucked away in my secret spot even when my parents or brother would come in looking for me, I found it comforting in my own safe world.

             On one occasion in particular, when I was about 8 and at my Grandparents house for the 4^th of July (a huge family event rivaling Christmas in the Shullaw tradition). I was told by a family friend to run down the to the bottom of the hill with my sparkler to put it out in the lake. I did run down the hill smiling, laughing and proudly holding my sparkler high in the sky. I was completely oblivious that a wall of flames followed me down the hill. When I reached the bottom I saw a sea of faces screaming and stomping on the lawn with their flip-flops. I felt terrible! I immediately ran up the hill into the house into the pink bedroom and under the bed to cry. I hid there for hours keeping silent even though my family called for me. Hiding under that bed made me feel like I could disappear and who doesn't want to disappear sometimes? Soon, my Gram stumbled upon me and reassured me to come out with a big hug and a promise that I could sit with her to watch the fireworks.

            Even now when things really go wrong the only thing I want to do is curl up quietly in a “hidey hole”. I want to be left alone and to pack all things soft and comforting in there with me. Something about escaping the big scary, cold world for a small, soft and well-controlled one seems like a nice option, especially tonight.