Into the Mystic

Gram has slipped into a near vegetative state. She only awakens when she is moved to turn her with an excruciating moan. I had expected that she would at some point get to a comatose state but her groaning in such agony is beyond what I could have ever imagined. We are controlling the pain the best we can with medicine but the slightest movement causes her terrible suffering. For weeks, I felt she held on during her decline because she had some sort of unfinished business or mental demons to battle. But now I feel she is desperately trying to leave this world, but her locomotive heart still continues to beat. I think her soul is trapped inside a decaying vessel. No matter how strong the will, sometimes the body can betray the soul.

I constantly hope that she can pass away from the pain swiftly and peacefully. I have always imagined the transition like a favorite song of mine by Van Morrison Into the Mystic lyrics. I imagine there is some sort of cue; a sound she will hear or a voice of a loved one that summons her to come. She will not be afraid as she follows the noise. Then her spirit leaves her old body and enters the body she had when she was young. She is magnificently released and her body and soul are free and happy. I visualize her like the pictures of her when she was in her 20’s; with her beautiful shinny dark hair, red lipstick gorgeous heels and her head tilted back belly laughing. I hope it feels like she is going home safe, warm, exciting and joyous…don’t look back Grandma just go.